First a little note, beyond being a writer of Generation X angst and depression, I am also a normal person. As part of my "normal life" I am a member of a college fantasy football league. The name of the league is a very cheesy "Dirty Bollocks." It gives us Americans the appearance a flair of the creative that we use a Brit slang term for testicles. The truth is the cbs fantasy website has language blockers for dirty words. Bollocks slips right past it. Even though the season is almost over, I was bored yesterday and decided to look for a symbol for our league. I used Google Image. You can imagine the fun images that flash on your screen when you put 'bollocks' into an image search engine. Among those images was a woman who seemed to be at a meeting protesting something. Something about the photo was intriguing. She was pretty but that wasn't it. There were plenty of other images with barely dressed females in seductive poses that I didn't bother to click on. I clicked on her image. What I got in return was the site of a fellow blogger named Philip Sinclair. The image was of his deceased wife. She had died of breast cancer and Sinclair created a blog to celebrate her life and work through her death. At some point Sinclair used the term bollocks in one of his posts which Google then decided that a link to one of his wife's pictures was in order. Regardless of the reason, I am glad I found the blog. I saved it as a favorite and told myself I would read it later. Later usually never comes but today was slow and later came much sooner than normal. I started from the bottom and worked my way up. Sinclair's blog, aptly titled "Afterburn" starts around late October 2007, less than two months after her death. The last entry appears on Saturday, April 12th, 2008 and is in no way a "goodbye" post. As to what happened to Philip Sinclair, I doubt I will ever know. Hopefully he found peace, solace, maybe even some happiness somewhere. Reading his blog reminded me of one of the later chapters of Reflections of Colette Street. So I decided to post it. It's down below. If you want to skip my excerpt and read "Afterburn" I wouldn't blame you a bit. Afterall, my writing is fiction and even the best fiction which mine is not, can't compare to reality. Here is the link for "Afterburn." Afterburn
Excerpt of Chapter 28 "Reflections of Colette Street."
It's been a couple of weeks since Felicity died. Felicity's parents wrote me a very sweet letter telling me that they were not planning on returning. They gave their alma instructions to let me in and to take whatever I wanted of Felicity's before it would all be packed up. The only thing I want is Felicity and she's not there. I will not be going to get anything. I have debated to write back to Felicity's parents and tell them about the engagement and the ring that I almost bought. I realize that all I would accomplish is to cause them more heartache for nothing more than a flimsy attempt to assuage my guilt.
I have started back at work and it has been rough going. I am simply taking a couple of shifts to get back into the swing of things. I have told Red that I am pretty much through right now with playing for a while. Red told me he understands.
I have to go to work tonight and I am dreading it. Everyone but Sinjin seems to steer clear of me or look at me with looks of pity. Sinjin, for the most part, has avoided that with me. I have made small talk with him and though he is reluctant, I have found out that Sinjin and Jane are actually dating exclusively. At no point since I have known Sinjin has he ever dated anyone exclusively. Sinjin is tight lipped about Jane but I suspect that is more out of a courtesy to me for what I am going through. The last thing I want to hear about is "new love." The romantics can pedal that shit somewhere else.
I have decided that it is too hard to stay in my flat the entire time. I can't sit there too long without seeing some constant reminder of Felicity. One time it was opening the cabinet to see the coffee mug she always uses . . . used, and another time it was something as inane as seeing a scuff mark on the floor that her shoe made. Lately, to keep myself occupied, I have been doing some touristy sight seeing. Today, I am heading out to the New Territories to see the Mui Fat Buddhist Monastery. The Monastery is really two buildings. One is a pagoda styled building that dates back to 1950 and the other is a modern glass and steel structure that accompanies it. It is a place that I have wanted to see but never got the chance. It's odd that as my time in Hong Kong is coming to a close that I am now becoming the consummate tourist. In a way, I guess it makes sense. I know that this may be my last chance to see these wonders.
I arrive at the monastery in time for lunch. The only food that you can obtain is vegetarian which is fine by me. Lately, I don't have much of an appetite and I literally have to remind myself to eat.
After lunch, I head into the older monastery. It is an amazing site. I enter the door to the pagoda by walking in between two large columns that are at least fifty to sixty feet tall. On each column are two golden, Chinese dragons that are constricted around the columns. On the outside of the columns, the monastery is protected by two, large, stone Chinese Lions. Once inside, I am simply in awe. There are thousands of depictions of Buddha everywhere. It seems that every way Buddha can be represented, he is represented here. The popular Western image of Buddha is as a fat Chinese man with a jolly smile but many of the depictions show Buddha as skinny, young and serene. I can also tell that the depictions are not just Chinese. Many of the Buddhas feature the customary headdress of Thailand. Others look more like paintings from India. On the second floor, I am again in awe of three Golden Buddha statues that are each about fifteen feet tall. For the next hour I take in everything the monastery has to offer. I cannot help but think how much better it would be if Felicity were here with me. I wonder if she had ever visited the Monastery. It bugs me that I don't know the answer and that I will never know the answer.
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